My Ex-Wife

I had lunch with my ex-wife today and then went home and masturbated. She's actually gotten hotter. The last time I saw her, she was wearing a business suit and yelling at me in court. I figured, big loss. But now, I don't know. She must've taken up surfing or something. Or maybe she's buying better clothes, or stopped eating pancakes for dinner. Why does every girl I get involved with get hotter once she leaves me? Maybe I'm only thinking they're hotter. Maybe they're still the same, but they appear hotter to me because I can't have them. No, that's definitely not it. Rachel is definitely hotter now. The bus boys had never looked at her like that when she'd been with me.

Like they hated me, for being with her. Like I was a swamp they had to cross before getting to the mainland. When I was a teenager that might have made me apprehensive and defensive, but now, even though Rachel had trouble swallowing her food because I was across from her and she was only there to try and pitch me her boyfriend's script, I savored the feeling of superiority. The idea that this. . .was mine, even though it hadn't been for a long time. Possibly never really was. It made me feel good about the world.

One thing I've learned from growing up, you've got to force yourself to have a good time. A majority of situations have something redeeming about them. But this is usually mixed in with a lot of lip and anus. The idea is to ignore the lip and anus, and just enjoy the fact that the hot dog you're eating tastes great. Even if you're not really eating a hot dog. Even if you're eating a salad with your ex-wife, who hates you, and you don't know why.